Today I feel like writing....
Writing about the blessings in my life and the gratitude that I feel in my heart.
The other day I was speaking with a friend in town, and she was asking me about life with Landon (my son with Angelman Syndrome) and the care that he requires daily. She was wondering things like how long it takes to feed him and get him ready for the day and other personal care issues. She wanted to know how much he understands, and does he let me know when he needs something? (Landon has no speech and is severely mentally impaired, as most of you know already) She also wanted to know if Landon expresses love and how he expresses it, if able.
This always makes me stop and reflect about this life...
this life I have with my son...
this great blessing...
And today I need to write it.
I needed to write it down.
I needed to be grateful again for this gift I've been given.
When I think back to the time when I was trying to accept this gift (and not doing well at it) the grieving process can be hard...very, very hard)) I remember the days and weeks and months, and yes, even years,
that I lived with the color drained from my life. I was consumed by grief for a time.
I dwelled on the 'will nots'
the 'he will never run and play...s', the 'he will never get married and have a family...s'.
All the things that moms and dads think when they get the news that their child is not like 'other children'.
I was able to seek help... and I prayed A LOT!!!
Soon the color started coming back into my life. And this was literal. I had been living life in what seemed to be black and white (more like grey really). It was amazing to me how things took on color and brilliance again. Something that had been missing for a time. Then I started noticing that I smiled more and could actually feel joy again over the smallest things.
Over time I was able to see the blessing...the enormous blessing that I had been given. This child, this very amazing child...who, at almost twenty-four, needs to be fed his food, and have his teeth brushed and his baths and all the other things done for him that I took for granted with my other five children before him.
That by doing these things for him daily,
that it really is a gift.
That it really is the greatest blessing that I have been given in life.
I don't take things for granted as much as I used to.
I appreciate more, I love more, and I feel more, than I ever did before.
I don't take things for granted as much as I used to.
I appreciate more, I love more, and I feel more, than I ever did before.
And yes, I told my friend...
he does express his love for me...
in his eyes,
in his smile,
and in his hugs.
These are my greatest blessings.
and I needed to write them today.
***
Because of the gift of Landon in my life, I have the opportunity to stay at home and have the time to also plant and care for this garden that brings Landon and the rest of my family joy.
And for this, I am thankful.
I wanted to share the hollyhocks that grow out by the pasture fence.
Thank you to all who visit here.
I want you to know I appreciate it all so much.
